Choices
by spheeris1
Summary: X/G :: Gabrielle is not sure if she can wait any longer for Xena and the Warrior Princess must decide if the new is worth giving up the the old...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note:

A multi-chapter (though short ones) to get a certain idea out of my head. Basically, set this fic anywhere you like in the series…

I don't own these characters.


	2. Chapter 2

Choices

Xena gives just one look... and Gabrielle feels her willpower shatter. One touch and Gabrielle is finished, all debates fall flat. One night... one night of Xena kissing her, just kissing her... Now, Gabrielle cannot think of another, not ever.

For Xena, it is never the same. You cannot contain such a woman... She must be free to roam, to love as she pleases. Gabrielle knew this even when the moment presented itself, even when words of love were spoken... Gabrielle knows that she has Xena's heart and that she is the only one to have it – just not the only one to have her body.

It drives her mad sometimes, to see Xena go off with someone else on any given night. It drives her to tears sometimes, to have to give Xena a look of understanding as the warrior walks away with another.

On those nights... on this night... Gabrielle walks alone in the woods outside this village, as she does in countless other villages. She keeps going, hoping this feeling will leave her. All hopes must be dashed, though. Gabrielle still wants Xena completely and she knows, one day, the facade will crack. One day, Gabrielle will have to choose – be with Xena and share her? Or let her go?

Of course, Gabrielle thinks this way all the time. And she never lets Xena go. It sounds so damned romantic to her older ears, but it is no less true... She cannot let Xena go. Xena is a part of her now. It would be like cutting off an arm or a leg. Gabrielle would always miss her. And no one could replace her.

Tonight, though... Gabrielle does not go back to camp. She does not tend the fire and she does not keep the place warm for Xena. _Not tonight... I can't do this tonight._

Gabrielle knows she will go back, eventually. Not now, though... not now.

Now, Gabrielle lays down in the dark of the forest and listens to a stream nearby. She breathes in and out, watching the stars spin above. She feels her muscles relax and some of the tension dissipate.

And Gabrielle does not lie to herself, not now. She knows Xena will try to find out where the bard has gone. Xena will worry. Xena will wonder if this day is the last day...

_And tonight, I will let her think it._

To Be Continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Xena has always been this way. No man can pin her down, at least not for good... And no woman can have her, at least not all the time... And it is not her heart. It is no longer closed off, not like before. It is just the way she is made, it is just how she is.

Lovers have come and gone. Some of them tried to keep her and found out the hard way... You can't keep her. She has to keep moving, keep going. Xena tried to belong to one person, once or twice, and failed. Her body always overruled her mind...

Everyone wants more, Xena knows this. They want her heart, her soul, her love, her passion. Xena kept them all at bay, except for some. Even those, even those she cared for in one way or another, wanted more. Xena tried to let them down easy, but it never worked. A heart gets broken and Xena is left feeling guilty.

Now, she keeps those people away. If she can... Of course, Gabrielle is different. Xena can love her and Gabrielle understands. Gabrielle gets it like no one else ever has.

It became apparent to Xena that Gabrielle would get her heart and Xena, unlike many times before, was ready to give it to the bard. It felt right. Xena didn't expect it to go further... It never does. But it did, as if the Fates were laughing at Xena. It went further than she planned.

_Gabrielle... _Even now, with Xena on top of some relatively unknown person, that name causes a stir of complex emotions. Even now, with this person giving as much as they can in order to pleasure Xena, she cannot focus. Which has never happened, not in all these years...

Once done, Xena shows them to the door of this room. Then she puts her leathers back on, getting angry with herself. _The night was not supposed to go this way..._

She puts on her armor and, with the final piece in place, leaves the inn. The person is at the bar and she pays them no mind. That is the pleasure in one-night stands, no need for interaction after the fact.

Besides, Xena is not in the mood for interaction. Not now. Something is changing and Xena is not sure she likes it... Or if she can stop it from happening. She finds her steps getting quicker, knowing that she will reach a warm fire, a soft animal skin and... and...

"Gabrielle?"

Xena hears no reply. The embers are warm, but not on fire. The pallets are laid out, but the bard is not there. Xena scans the ground and, yet, finds no sign of struggle.

_It is kind of like she is leaving..._

And Xena cannot hold back the rush of panic that surges through her bones at this thought.

To Be Continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Gabrielle is silent as she walks back. The moon is hidden now by clouds and so she is traveling by touch and scent. Her hands grazing the bark of trees and the smell of smoke filling her lungs... Gabrielle knows she is close to the camp. Close to Xena again.

She wishes her stomach did not flutter and she wishes her heart did not pound so much at the though of seeing Xena. She wanted to come back to camp all cool and aloof, to show Xena that she did not care... Gabrielle takes a deep breath.

_I am the only one who cares... Xena does not have a clue._

Gabrielle stops moving all at once and can hear someone close. All these years with Xena did not come without a lesson or two... She cannot make out exactly which direction the sound is coming from. It is definitely not someone who is cautious, Gabrielle decides, at the crunching of twigs and leaves. It is someone who is unafraid.

Then, from behind, a hand snakes around her waist and pulls her into a body. Gabrielle cannot calm her breathing... not from fear, though...

"Where have you been?" A voice asks, a voice that rings in Gabrielle's ears all the time, a voice that sends the inside of Gabrielle's body into heat.

"I needed to walk, get some energy out." Gabrielle says, the air getting caught in her throat, making the words sound choked.

She hears the sound of relief leave Xena's lips and the grip lessens, but does not let go. Gabrielle, however, intends to not lose all composure due to Xena's affect on her. She steps away and turns around, trying to see the warrior in the night.

"Did you have a good night?" She queries. She can hear Xena shift on her feet.

"Yea."

"Good."

There is a beat of silence, almost to the point that Gabrielle wonders if Xena is still there.

But then the warmth of Xena's body is close and her lips find Gabrielle's. And she does not try to fight it... Because that would set off Xena's alarms and... she likes it too much, the feel of Xena's lips. She can be the one to end it, though... _I have to end it..._

Gabrielle backs up and she can sense Xena staring at her.

"I... was concerned." Xena states.

_Good. _"I'm sorry I worried you."

"And did you have a good night, walking in the dark?" The warrior asks softly.

_Not truly, no... _ "Yes."

Gabrielle finds her anger twisting inside with her desire, turning into a sadness she does not know how to combat.

"We should get some sleep." She says and starts back to the camp. They do not talk for the rest of the short journey. And once back, Gabrielle quickly gets under her blanket, willing sleep to come. Before she can change her mind and let Xena hold her, before she lets loose with all that she is thinking...

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Xena is no fool... but she will be the first one to tell you like she is not good at seeing things sometimes, especially when it comes to feelings of the heart. She spent so long keeping those emotions at arms length, they sometimes seem like strangers to her.

But she is no fool. Xena knows when someone is slipping from her. And Gabrielle is doing just that. The natural serenity that the bard normally carries, is gone. In its place is something Xena recognizes. It is discontent.

Xena keeps her distance, as it seems Gabrielle wants things that way. It is hard, though. Gabrielle is like a flame... Xena finds herself always near her, without even meaning to. Xena watches her more than the surroundings today. Xena watches her move and tries to see what has changed. And she misses the closeness, she misses the moment when Gabrielle sighs into her hair and falls asleep, she misses the easiness of their affection.

Xena finds that she misses something else, something that she had kept all too impersonal... Then again, that is what Xena does. Love is love. Sex is sex. And she does not let them meet. That never works for her anyway.

_We went too far... __**I**__ went too far. _Xena recalls the first time she captured Gabrielle's lips with her own. It happened without much forewarning, something as simple as a peck turning into so much more. The kiss became deeper and Xena found her hands in Gabrielle's hair, to keep the bard from stopping. But Xena could tell that Gabrielle did not want to stop.

_I went too far... _It seemed so natural, to take this step to physicality. But Xena did not let it go on, too nervous that lines were getting blurred. That was already happening, though... _It is happening now._

Xena is shaken out of her thoughts by Gabrielle's voice. Some of the coolness is gone from her tone, but not all.

"Is something wrong?" Gabrielle asks.

_So much more than you know. _"No."

Gabrielle looks at her a little longer, then turns back to face the path ahead. Xena just watches her, the muscles moving under her skin, the stride of her legs...

_She is beautiful. And I... don't want to lose her._

And there it is, Xena concludes. The crux of this unease, of this knowledge that a part of the warrior is shifting. That the urge to have many lovers and not one love is dying. And Xena is left with a new space, one that only Gabrielle fits.

To Be Continued...


	6. Chapter 6

They make camp, still miles away from a village. Gabrielle can sense a difference in Xena. The warrior is quiet now and there is the edge of worry in her blue eyes. In her heart of hearts, Gabrielle knows what is wrong and she wants to comfort Xena. But she holds back... _To get too close again would break me..._

Any conversation is kept to basics – food, fire, sleep. Gabrielle thought she could handle this, this gap between her and Xena. Instead of it helping, it is only hurting. The anger is leaving, the frustration ebbing away... Only sadness, that is all Gabrielle can feel.

Xena begins to remove her armor and Gabrielle must look away.

_To see her body, as I have so many times, would only haunt me now..._

Xena feels the war inside of herself. The tug of the old and the pull of the new... And an array of emotions bombard her. Anger... at change, at holding back, at Gabrielle's distance. Sadness... at waiting so long, at the thoughts of Gabrielle disappearing from her life for good. The last emotion, however, is not new. Not really.

Love. Heart-shattering, life-altering love. Xena has come close to it, has been near enough to feel its heat. But now... now, it is here. And the denial of it is putting Xena against the ropes.

To fight the shifting tide? Or to let go, to let it wash over her and see where she lands? She looks over at Gabrielle's turned away face... and things become so obvious now. _Why didn't I see it? That she would be the one to change it all for me..._

Words, however, are not quick in coming. Xena finds a tightness in her chest and a dryness in her throat. She is not used to being apprehensive, to not knowing the outcome of a situation.

_Damn it all..._

Throughout the evening, Gabrielle ignores her own strong wants. She wants to talk to Xena, to tell her that nothing else matters... That just to be with the warrior is enough... But Gabrielle knows she would regret it later. So, she keeps away.

Xena watches her, though. Every time Gabrielle moves, she can feel those eyes on her. And despite Gabrielle's best efforts, she can feel her heartbeat accelerate with that gaze on her back.

_What am I to do? How can I keep this up... when I want so badly to be with her? If only I could make a decision and stick to it..._

Gabrielle closes her eyes. There is no way she can do it... It is tearing her up. But she cannot share Xena, that is not possible. That means... it means... _Dear Gods, how can I walk away?_

And the tears fall whether she wants them to or not.

To Be Continued...


	7. Chapter 7

The sun lowers and the moon is revealed, hiding there all along. The fire is slowly burning out, its light only catching the silver of weaponry and the brass of armor. And Xena is not asleep, though she is very tired. It is a weariness born of turmoil, not of battle...

She listens for the deep breathing of Gabrielle, who is an arm's length away. But that peaceful sound is not there... Just quiet, shallow intakes of air. _She is awake, like myself... This is the time..._

Xena feels sweat on her body as nerves fail, leaving this moment to chance. Xena cannot rely on poise or intimidation now. She cannot even rely on knowing Gabrielle's heart... _Because it is possible that those feelings have changed..._

Gabrielle keeps her eyes shut, even though sleep is nowhere to be found. At one point, she almost said the words... Almost made the choice to tell Xena that their partnership is over... But then Xena's eyes were there, waiting. And Gabrielle couldn't.

_Those eyes will be the end of me yet..._

Gabrielle is startled by a touch on her arm. She slowly turns around to rest on her back, resisting the urge to move away... and to move closer. Xena is there, looking troubled, looking very much like a confused woman – not the warrior princess of legend.

"You can't sleep." Xena says, a statement in the night.

"And neither can you." Gabrielle responds.

Xena leans toward her and Gabrielle instinctually raises her head, like sleeping beauty to a savior... And Xena places her warm palm against Gabrielle's cheek.

_I can't do it... I can't let her go, no matter how much it pains me to stay... I can't..._

"Gabrielle..." Xena is close as she speaks, her breath sliding over Gabrielle's lips.

"Yes..." And it is not a question, but a plea. Gabrielle feels all her defenses giving way.

Xena had a plan, albeit a haphazard one. Just get close to Gabrielle and tell her the truth... _The truth being that I cannot stand to feel this rift and I know why it is there and I am ready to give it all up, all the lovers and the whims of desire... I'll give it all up for you, Gabrielle. And then... give it all to you, only you._

But, somehow, that is not going to happen. Xena feels something inside settle once her hand is on Gabrielle's skin. And she is closer than intended already, taking in the smell of the bard and relishing it. Xena knows that her body has one goal and her mind another...

And when Gabrielle speaks, Xena hears all the things underneath that simple 'yes'. All the want and need in the bard in that one word.

That is when the plan goes to Hades.

To Be Continued...


	8. Chapter 8

If either one of them were to say how it might go, they might say slowly. Deliberate. A chance to explore the other person. However, this is a want born of a feverish desire. And that kind of lust is not one for taking its time.

That kind of lust makes hands work fast at pulling someone down, into a body. That kind of lust makes fingers used to causing pain in others, cause pleasure now...

Lust makes quick work of strings and buckles that keep clothes on.

And then it is happening... Gabrielle feels the first contact of Xena's body, skin on skin, and she groans... A groan that would have gotten louder if not for Xena's tongue in her mouth, Xena's lips covering her own with force.

Xena is amazed at how delicious this is... Gabrielle against her, the bard's beauty – so often seen – is now fully appreciated by Xena's eyes. She feels Gabrielle's legs push apart, giving her permission to rest against Gabrielle's center. And Xena is moving the second she is there, grinding...

Gabrielle raises her hips to match Xena's motion. It is like two halves to a machine have come back together, moving in tandem, without doubts of it working. She can feel Xena's teeth on her neck, biting and latching on. Gabrielle jerks Xena's head up, tangling the fingers of one hand in raven hair, and wrapping her other arm around Xena' back, keeping the warrior close as they both move faster.

Eyes of blue and eyes of green that have been fluttering shut, are now open... watching the other reach orgasm, watching the color of irises go dark with ecstasy...

Gabrielle feels a warmth wash over her at hearing Xena's release, at hearing her own name from those kiss-bruised lips...

And Xena, lost in the heady feeling of this body in her arms and wrapped around her hips, comes back to life at the sound of Gabrielle... The bard stringing words together that Xena would have never thought to hear, not from Gabrielle. Words that Xena knows, words that mean desire has been sated...

If either one of them had been fully thinking, they would have talked first. They would have discussed the bigger issue at hand.

Instead, they both fall asleep, arms and legs intertwined.

To Be Continued...


	9. Chapter 9

Gabrielle does not open her eyes, even though dawn is bearing down. She is not sure if she is dreaming... or if this is real... and does it matter? She feels the heaviness of an arm over her chest, she feels hours-old sweat along her body and the chill it causes now...

Gabrielle can feel Xena, feel the warrior's heart beating and can feel Xena's breath coast over her bare shoulder. It all conjures up images from the night. Images of sex, because Gabrielle can't call it love-making... Tantalizing visions of Xena above her, rapid and moaning... Visions of the bard's own straining, her own desire spilling over...

_It really happened... _

She sighs, not sure what to do now... Is this just something to make it harder to leave? _Do I dare to believe that it is a beginning? _ So, Gabrielle opens her eyes and looks at Xena. The warrior is asleep, looking peaceful... She takes a moment to enjoy this rare glimpse of Xena, after pleasure and resting. _She is so gorgeous._

Red lips, slightly parted. Skin of ivory white, oh so smooth. Under all this, muscles in silence... used for war and for love...

Xena feels a sense of contentment in her body first. Then is the remembrance of what has brought about this feeling... and she smiles to herself. Next is the realization that her body is still all around Gabrielle's body. Xena lets a sigh leave her lips, one of a joy she has rarely felt before.

_It really happened..._

And she can feel Gabrielle's eyes watching, studying... so Xena remains 'asleep'. Besides, the warrior likes being looked at by the bard. Xena can almost see Gabrielle's face. Expressive green gaze, lips full with questions... and further down, the beautiful nakedness and supple skin, places that Xena longs to spend more time with...

_Oh Gods, what a gift you have given to me..._

Still, Xena keeps her eyes shut. She wants to enjoy this moment, just in case... just in case, it is the last between them.

To Be Continued...


	10. Chapter 10

She feels Gabrielle move, slipping her body away from Xena's arms and leaving a place of cold in its wake. At this, Xena finally opens her eyes and drinks in the bard's body. _This is the time, say it now... _

"Gabrielle, I..." The warrior starts, but Gabrielle raises her hand. It is a sharp gesture that cuts Xena to the quick.

"I don't know if I can hear what you are going to say, Xena... not yet..." Her voice is raw with emotion. Xena watches Gabrielle put her clothes back on.

"You might want to hear it." Xena says quietly, her eyes following Gabrielle's every move. The bard looks at her long and hard, as if weighing up the options.

"Fine. Okay..." And she sits down.

Xena sits up and wraps the fur around her body. She smiles a bit nervously and that causes Gabrielle to knit her brows in confusion. The warrior takes a deep breath.

"Gabrielle, I don't know why it took so long for me to see this... to see us, like this... I only know I don't want to lose you, that I love you..."

The bard crosses her arms. _Hmmm, she is quick to be on the defensive... _

"Are you trying to soften the blow?" Gabrielle asks.

"What? No, I'm just trying to..." But, once again, the bard interrupts. Or she tries to... Xena is up and covering the woman's mouth with her hand.

"Why must you be so stubborn when I am trying to tell you something? Something that isn't easy for me to say..." Xena pleads, her own voice breaking with emotion.

"I know you are angry and expect the worst now, I understand... But I love you and what I am trying to say is that I want you, only you. From now on, it is you and I... Together."

Gabrielle watches Xena this entire time, the feeling of loss already in place in her heart. The bard could not believe it, that Xena would want just her... So, she put the walls up quickly. Even when Xena was speaking, even when something told Gabrielle that the warrior was choosing her...

_I cannot listen, cannot hear that I am not the one, that I am just another lover... one of many... _Before this fear could rage full-on, the warrior's hand is covering Gabrielle's mouth. She is ready for this, she is ready for heartbreak...

But it doesn't happen. Xena, after all this time, says the words the bard has longed to hear.

Xena takes her hand away and stares at Gabrielle, blue eyes searching. And Gabrielle is not sure what to say... _That I didn't expect it? That it shocks me? _

All the torture of the past few weeks, she feels it slide off her body. All the questions that need answers, they can wait. All the time wasted... Gabrielle can let it go.

_Are you sure? _A voice inside counsels. _What if she changes her mind one day?_

One look at Xena's face, however, settles any debate in the bard's mind. She reaches out, finally pushing the distance away, and takes Xena into her arms.

The warrior princess keeps saying 'I love you' over and over. And Gabrielle knows it is true, in every sense of the phrase.

It is true.

The End.


End file.
